Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
