it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
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