It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
