Rock
Scissors
Fuck
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
