people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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