He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
