sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Randomize
