omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
This is the high leading the old right now
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
