I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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