He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
29 Frat Parties That Got Way Too Out Of Control
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
15 Ridiculous Ways Broke People Managed to Make a Buck
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same