I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
thus making me awesome and them whores
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
These 19 Underage Drinkers Epicly Got By With A Horrible Fake ID
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
These Are The 21 Strangest Sexual Fantasy Confessions
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday