She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
