so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
