Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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