Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
