I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Randomize
