My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
