i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I have feelings that need drinking.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
