and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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