I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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