Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
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