I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
