I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
How naked do you want me to be?
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