Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
