google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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