Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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