Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Randomize
