yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Randomize
