Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I think a kid would responsible me up
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
