yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
