Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
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