Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
