I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Randomize