Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
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The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
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