I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
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