What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
i think my mom watched the whole time
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
