I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Randomize
