omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
