I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Randomize
