I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
