his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
