for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
