the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
