sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
