I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
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