You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
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He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
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I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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