She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Randomize
