Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
