Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize