Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Randomize