Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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