Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
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