Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
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