we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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