I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Randomize
