Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
