I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
