I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
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If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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