Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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