I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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