ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize
