I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
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