Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
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