I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
