I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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